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Jan 3, 2010
Posted by admin on Jan 3, 2010 in Parenting | 0 comments
We want our children to learn to speak and communicate. We want them to become independent thinkers. We also want them, someday, to stand on their own. Well, believe it or not, these are some of the key factors to explain why some children argue with their parents. According to the Department of Families, “arguments between brothers and sisters are one of the ways that children learn to respect other people’s belongings and feelings.” Children are just like adults. We like to present our ideas and sometimes argue to express our opinions or points of view. Children, however, are just beginning to learn how to argue without being disrespectful. Below are some pointers to help parents teach their child how to share their thoughts without offending others.
- Do not argue with your child. It’s that’s simple. An argument can only occur if you let one occur.
- Many arguments can be avoided when you give the child an option. For example: “You can either empty the dishwasher or take out the trash.”
- Treat your child and yourself with respect. Be objective when you speak and try to use fewer words. For example: “I need your help. Your job is to pick up your toys. Please begin now.” Avoid statements or questions like: “Can you” or “Do you want to pick up your toys now.”
- Teach your child the difference between debate and arguments. Debates allow two people to share their points of view without offending others and leaving one person a winner and another a loser. Arguments end with a winner and a loser. Teach your child what points of view or opinions are debatable in your home. If your child says, “Mom, I’m tired of doing dishes.” The parent can respond by saying, “That’s fine. It’s a good time to change chores. You may pick between feeding the dog or dusting this week.”
- Use simple body and facial language instead of words. Simple body and facial language includes: Looking at your child and show the face of patience. Your face should show that you are not angry, but you are also not amused.
- Sit down with your child and let the child know the negative consequences that they will receive if they argue with a parent. Set the consequence ahead of time and stick to the consequence. It’s appropriate to let children know that you do not want an argument as a warning before providing the consequence. Remember the first example provided above.
- You may provide incentives. However, do not over use this strategy or you will be teaching the child that rewards come after each request. “You may play with your friends when you are done doing the dishes.”
- Encourage and teach your child to ask for permission. This will prevent many arguments.
- Prepare yourself for the fact that your child will be making more requests that may lead to future arguments. To find out if your child’s request is normal for his or her age group, ask a teacher, youth group leader, coach or other adults who have many years of experience working with children to find out if their request is normal.
- Let your child know that making a request should be done in private or at home. Some parents, for example, tell their child that if they ask to have a friend sleep over in front of the friend that their request will automatically be denied.
Note: Children who have chronic or ongoing behavioral problems and arguments that lead to anger, violence or other fear inducing tactics may need to be assessed by a trained professional. Usually these behaviors should be diagnosed by a psychiatrist or other medical professionals. You may also obtain assistance from a school psychologist who may provide some insights and resource information.
Scott Wardell is a contributing blogger for Empowering Parents. Scott is also the creator of Scottcounseling.com.
Jan 3, 2010
Posted by admin on Jan 3, 2010 in Parenting | 0 comments
Have you made parenting mistakes you’d like to correct? And what are you going to do differently starting now? Empowering Parents will be giving away autographed copies of James Lehmans’ groundbreaking new book, Transform Your Problem Child to 10 lucky winners of our first EP contest of 2010.
Just tell us a parenting mistake you’ve made with your child, and an effective technique you’ve started doing (or are planning to start). Send all submissions, 500 words maximum, to editor@empoweringparents.com. Your entries will be read by the EP staff and a qualified Parental Support Line advisor.
The deadline for our contest is midnight, January 18, 2010 and winners will be announced in the January 26, 2010 issue of EP.
P.S. All winning entries will be published in the Empowering Parents blog! (Please note that by submitting your entry, you are agreeing to allow us to publish your submission in Empowering Parents.)
Jan 3, 2010
Posted by admin on Jan 3, 2010 in Parenting | 0 comments
Dear PSL:
My wife and I have very different ideas about parenting. While we try not to fight in front of the kids, it really causes a lot of battles between us. I think a lot of it comes from differences in our upbringing; she didn’t have to follow any rules when she was a kid. I want our children to understand that rules are important; I want them to understand accountability and integrity. I’m always talking to them about these issues – it seems like every day, one of them does something that brings it up. My wife, on the other hand, refuses to follow through with consequences, and she tells me to “lighten up” on the kids. As I said, we try not to argue in front of them, but it’s hard when I tell our kids to stop doing something, and right away, she tells them what they’re doing is no big deal. Is it any surprise who the kids listen to? How can I get my wife to understand that what I’m trying to teach the kids is important?
–Frustrated Dad in PA
Dear Frustrated Dad:
We hear from a lot of parents who have a different parenting style than their partner or their ex. In a way, it’s amazing that two people with very different backgrounds and perspectives can find any common ground at all! And when you are talking about parenting, emotions can certainly run very high. It can be difficult to get children to follow basic household rules when one parent gives a consequence and the other “undoes” it, or tells the kids that they don’t have to listen. It can make you feel like you’re fighting the battle from all sides. In a sense, both of you are right: kids need to be held accountable for their actions, and, focusing on every single behavior can be overwhelming, and can even backfire: kids will tune you right out! The good news is, you and your wife can find a way to work together, even if you have different ideas.
I appreciate that you try not to argue or discuss your parenting differences in front of the children. It is difficult to teach your child to follow one set of rules when he sees those rules up for debate within your own family. Some kids will also learn to play one parent against the other when they know the parents disagree. It’s important to present a united front to your children when it comes to basic household rules. If you find it difficult to remain calm in front of the kids, try to give yourself an “out”: if you disagree with something your partner is doing, you might say “I’d like to talk about this together before we give our daughter our decision.”
Once you are able to discuss the situation away from the kids, it’s tempting to get into an argument about why your way is better than your spouse’s way – that’s understandable, but unlikely to help solve the issue. I bet you and your partner have argued these points a million times, and so far, no one has “won.” Rather than argue about whose style is right and whose is wrong, you might see if you can find a place of agreement. You may be surprised to find that you do actually have places you agree! It may take awhile, but there is always a place of agreement, especially when you focus on specific behaviors rather than broad concepts. For example: while you might argue about whether sharing should be mandatory because it promotes goodwill toward others, both of you likely agree that the kids should not take or destroy other peoples’ things, and if they borrow an item, they need to return it in good shape. That means there would be a rule in your home that no one takes or destroys something that belongs to another, and if they break something, they are responsible for fixing or replacing it. Decide together what the consequences will be if the kids break those rules. If one of you feels you cannot follow through with the consequences, maybe you can agree to at least not “undo” the consequences the other parent enforces, and agree to not argue about your differences in front of the kids.
As far as feeling like you are constantly talking about broad issues like accountability and integrity, remember that kids’ brains function far more concretely than adult brains. So, while having family discussions about abstract terms like responsibility and integrity are important, those discussions rarely result in concrete changes in behavior – the kids may understand it while you’re talking, but fail to put the principles into action later! You are far more likely to see changes when you focus on a couple of behaviors at a time, working with your kids to solve their problems in more appropriate ways. I don’t mean to suggest that these discussions aren’t important – they are. Family discussions – especially when they involve respectful disagreement – help to develop beliefs about the world and how we care for ourselves and others. It is in these discussions that you and your partner can role model how to voice your opinion without cutting down or degrading an opposing opinion. Just remember that discussions like these, in and of themselves, do not tend to lead to changes in behavior. For that, you and your partner need to find that place of agreement, and follow through with what you’ve planned.
I want to clarify that the suggestions given above apply to simple differences in parenting. If you feel that your partner is abusive – verbally, physically, or emotionally to you or your children, please seek out professional resources and support in your local area. If you are trying to teach your children to act appropriately and respectfully, but your partner calls the children names or threatens violence, none of your rules and consequences are likely to be effective: kids watch what you do, not what you say. And remember, there is no excuse for abuse – from anyone in your family. Please contact your local community mental health center or parenting network for support. If you find yourself unable to control your own temper, you might also check out James’ article, Temper, Temper: Keeping Your Cool When Kids Push Your Buttons.
For more on parenting differences, you might check out: Differences in Parenting? How Your Child May Be Using it Against You, and James’ new program, Two Parents, One Plan.
Good luck, and please keep in touch and let us know how it goes!
–Megan
Megan Devine is a writer and Parental Support Line Advisor for the Total Transformation Program.
Jan 3, 2010
Posted by admin on Jan 3, 2010 in Parenting | 0 comments
2009 saw controversy and more controversy when it came to parenting, from reality T.V. scandals like Balloon Boy, the Gosselins and Octomom to parents’ worries about Sexting, texting and kids’ online activities in general. We’re also glad to see that our resident ADHD/ADD expert Dr. Bob Myers’ insightful advice is again a big hit with our readers, as are Dr. Joan’s “tell-it-like-it-is” blog posts filled with useful tips and encouragement. Many of our Parent Bloggers are also in the top ten this year, and we’d like to take this opportunity to thank them once again for all their hard work—we’re both proud and humbled to have such talented and dedicated parents blogging for us.
We hope you’ll enjoy this virtual trip down memory lane as you read about the issues that grabbed EP readers most in 2009. Thanks again for reading, and as always, please let us know what’s on your mind—and what you’d like to see us cover next!
–Elisabeth Wilkins, EP Editor
P.S. Remember, we’re all in this together. Every comment you leave on EP truly has the potential to touch or help another parent out there. So thank you for reading–we’re grateful to have you here with us in our judgment-free parenting zone.
EP’s Top Ten Blog Posts of 2009
10. Parenting Mistakes I Have Made (and Why Natural Consequences are the Key to Changing Your Child’s Behavior) by Kemuel Ronis, Parent Blogger
9. Octomom: 6 Was Not Enough by Elisabeth Wilkins, EP Editor
8. Parenting an ADHD/ADD Child: 10 Ways to Help Their Behavior Improve by Dr. Bob Myers
7. Sibling Fighting, Backtalk and Yelling–It Must be Summer by Dr. Joan Munson
6. Working Through the Total Transformation: One Mom Tries to Deal with Her Son’s Disrespect and Backtalk by Lola Howle, Parent Blogger
5. Is Your Child Sexting Nude Photos? Surprise! 1 in 5 Have Tried It by Elisabeth Wilkins, EP Editor
4. When Your Teen Says, “I’m Almost 18–You Can’t Tell Me What to Do!” by Megan Devine, Parental Support Line Advisor
3. How I Stood My Ground (Eventually) in the Face of My Daughter’s Negotiating by Parent Blogger Kathy Pride
2. How to Talk to the Demanding Child: 12 Tips to Use Right Away by Parent Blogger Scott Wardell
And our top post of 2009?
1. How to Help Kids with ADHD Stay on Track in School (and Improve Their Academic Performance!) by Dr. Bob Myers
Please let us know which posts and articles on EP resonated most with you–we’d love to hear your opinion!
Jan 3, 2010
Posted by admin on Jan 3, 2010 in Parenting | 0 comments
Anyone who grew up watching Little House on the Prairie remembers the show where the Ingalls children find a tin cup, a peppermint stick and a shiny penny under the tree in the cold log cabin in Minnesota. In flapping night dresses and sleep bonnets they dance merrily around the fire as Pa plays his fiddle. Laura and Mary don’t necessarily love the plain tin cups, but they feel special knowing the cups mean they don’t have to share anymore. The intrinsic value goes far beyond the cost of the tin.
Things have not changed all that much from those pioneer days.
No one is taking the wagon to town for midnight shopping, but every mother is keenly aware of the traditions that make the holiday special for children. We will work creatively, perhaps starting before the snow flies, to find the best deals and coordinate with Grandmas and relatives to get the gift under the tree that makes her child’s eyes sparkle. We give to let them know their wants are valid even if our child’s wants seem so trivial compared to an adult’s needs.
Most parents put every effort into making holiday wishes come true – if only for one morning – because we know that in the grand scheme of life, putting a special request under the tree is a lot easier than doing almost anything else for our children.
We cannot always protect them from illness and disease.
We cannot take away debilitating psychological or genetic challenges.
We cannot make other children accept them as they are, or fabricate a life-long friendship where there is none.
We cannot buy our way out of medical debt, sometimes we cannot pay the mortgage, and sometimes we have to move in with Uncle Ed.
We cannot hand over our confidence to our teenage daughters or grant passing grades to our hard working students.
We cannot guarantee safe passage through dangerous streets, protect them from hateful words that they will hear or keep them safe from unpredictable circumstances.
But at the end of each year, parents listen closely to a child’s material requests and commit to memory each list of wishes written in crooked but hopeful handwriting. We are grateful for all the good things and hope that our efforts strike a bargain to keep things as good as they are, keenly aware that even if circumstances are bad, they can always be worse.
We creatively work to give our children good holiday memories, sometimes calling in favors, maybe working an extra job, trading our time for someone else’s talents, blatantly robbing Peter to pay Paul and making New Year’s resolutions all about balancing the checkbook and learning to simplify.
For now, we will live in the moment and try to buy some time for our children so they can remain innocent and unaware of the grown up stuff, all the unforeseen challenges that they will have to deal with all too soon.
Moms and Dads shelter them for a little while longer, taking seriously the job of protecting the wonder of the season, this granting of tangible wishes, this material miracle-making, hoping to never be asked to put in a pretty box the things parents cannot procure in a midnight run to Walmart.
Annita Woz is the mother of three, writer and Parent Blogger for Empowering Parents.
Jan 3, 2010
Posted by admin on Jan 3, 2010 in Parenting | 0 comments
I read some wonderful research years ago (which I would credit if I could remember the author), that said parenting is so tough because you have to first create the idea in your child’s head that “Mommy and I are one” (sorry, child-rearing guys!), to give your child a sense of safety, and then, as the child matures, you create the idea in their heads that they are separate entities that must go out and create their own lives in the world and be masters of their own destinies.
My husband Kemuel and I each had to be both a mom and dad to our kids, so we know first-hand that these are totally different mind-states to create in your kids’ heads. Fortunately, this is a really age-related task, so you have years to move from “Mommy and I are one” to “I must kill my father to take my own place in the world” (with apologies to Oedipus!) It’s a blend, and like mixing coffees or cocktails, sometimes you need more of one, and sometimes you need more of the other.
Specific things we’ve done in this area? Well, when my daughter was young, after we finished our bedtime ritual of reading a story together and lying in bed while “A Child’s Gift of Lullabies” played (I can’t hear that CD without feeling I should find a flat surface to lie down on immediately), I would kiss her and say good night and leave the room. If she came downstairs later, I would tell her, “The Mommy shop is closed.” She needed to know that I had other things to do when she went to bed. (Things like paying bills, doing household chores, and getting ready for work the next day.) I really believe kids need to know that Mommies and Daddies are not endlessly available. After a few repetitions, she got the message and gave it up. (Of course, this is barring true emergencies – but even along those lines, on a funnier note, when the kids were teenagers, we told them that when my husband and I were in our bedroom and the door was shut, they were NOT to knock unless a) the house was on fire, and b) they had already tried to put it out and couldn’t! One of our children knocked on our door one night after it was closed, and when we asked, “Is the house on fire?” (it wasn’t), slunk away with her permission slip unsigned. She got a great lesson in explaining to her teacher why she didn’t have the slip—and learned how to budget her time better to create the outcome she wanted (going on the trip).
WHAT DOES YOUR CHILD NEED NOW? A) A GREATER SENSE OF CONNECTION, OR B) MORE ENCOURAGEMENT FOR INDEPENDENCE?
Linda Falcao is a mother, attorney, founder of the youth volunteer organization www.americaserves.net and parent blogger for EP. To read more about Linda and our other contributors, click here.
Jan 3, 2010
Posted by admin on Jan 3, 2010 in Parenting | 0 comments
Here we are, in the last and craziest month of the year, when everything seems to move at warp speed. Everyone’s running around like a bunch of squirrels on espresso (as is our national tradition), buying Christmas and Hanukkah presents, going to parties, checking our budgets twice — and trying to keep it all together.
I’m definitely not immune to this manic pace — I’ve had a few crazy days in the last few weeks myself, believe me — but it’s nothing compared to how I used to be. You see, a few years ago, I figured out the secret of slowing down the holidays and not losing my mind. While I can’t follow my own advice as much as I’d like, here’s the holiday game plan that I try to stick to each year:
“Just say no.” I have become very choosy about the things our family does around this time of year. We map out the really important stuff, add a few fun extras, and keep it really, really simple. We probably have a much quieter holiday than most people, but it works for us!
Check yourself — When Your Pulse Starts Racing, Take a Deep Breath: Here’s an up-to-the-minute example. As I was wrapping some gifts yesterday, my 6 year-old son kept taking the paper in an attempt to make airplanes out of it. Well, when I found his little stash of F-1 bombers, I nearly lost it. Out came mean mommy and the words, ”How many times do I have to tell you ‘no’! That’s not for you to play with!” Luckily, I caught that fingernails-on-the-chalkboard tone in my voice and realized I needed to ratchet it down a little. I had a cup of tea, took a deep breath, went to my son’s room and said, ”You know Honey, I’m not sure if there’s enough paper for all these presents. Can you use some scrap paper for your airplanes instead?” He was fine with that, we hugged, and I felt much calmer. Which brings me to my next tip:
Remember to breathe: A wise woman gave me this advice a few years ago. She said, “You’d be surprised how often we forget to breathe when we’re stressed and upset.” So true. So unclench that jaw, take a few deep breaths and stretch when you think of it. Even small moments of peace can have a powerful impact in your life.
Pick a few activities that add meaning to your holiday. Start new traditions: My family was never very big on Christmas. It was a hard time of year for both my parents (let’s face it, it’s a hard time of year for a lot of people out there) and so in many ways, it was a holiday to get through, not to enjoy. As an adult, while I’m not a huge Christmas person, I do want to create some new traditions with my family to make the season warm and bright. The activities we do are just small things, really — making cookies, listening to certain music (Charlie Brown Christmas is my favorite!), seeing our friend perform in an annual concert, and going to church on Christmas Eve night.
Don’t go overboard with gifts, and take your time opening them: My friend Julie Falatko at World of Julie advocates doing “slow Christmas.” She and her family open presents one by one, play with them, take breaks to eat or what have you. The kids really enjoy their presents and there isn’t that frenzy of paper tearing (and the inevitable anti-climax) that comes with the orgy of Christmas morning. I have also found that a few well-chosen gifts mean a lot more than tons of things my son will stop playing with in two weeks.
Give something to someone who could use a hand: I heard a wonderful story last year about a man who gave presents to a single mom and her child every Christmas. This mother could not afford any presents whatsoever (she was just scraping by) so their neighbor anonymously left a bag of presents at their doorstep every Christmas for years. Inspired by this story, for the last two years we’ve been buying a winter coat and donating it to a child in need in our community. I take my son out shopping, we pick something out, and give it to the shelter in our town. I love seeing the look on my son’s face when he chooses the coats each year — he really is starting to think about what it means to help people.
That’s the list so far, but I am certain I’ll keep adding to it over the years. (I just hope I can follow my own advice!) I’d also love to hear any ideas you have for slowing down the pace and reducing stress around this time of year.
Here’s wishing you a wonderful holiday season!
Jan 3, 2010
Posted by admin on Jan 3, 2010 in Parenting | 0 comments
Parents, have you heard anything like this lately?
- A co-worker tells his boss that the young man sitting out in the lobby waiting for an interview has brought his mother along and wants her to go on the tour of the facility.
- Someone is fired because after two years, her work product still has too many errors. Six months prior in a performance review (where the two managers spelled out very clearly that accuracy and attention to detail needed to dramatically improve), she seemed unfazed, unconcerned and proved to be unable to train herself to double check her work before she passed it to the next party.
- A neighbor calls to say she is worried about her son who works part-time and then spends the rest of his time playing video games and going to the gym. When chided by dad to turn off the game station and pitch in with laundry and dishes, the son gently reassures his father that he probably wouldn’t have time for that as he knows he will soon be hired at a place where management will treat him with respect and pay him what he is worth.
The new hire at your brother’s office is always late. Even though there is a big project due mid-day, the new guy leaves to work out over his lunch hour and then looks surprised when HR requested that future forward he is to shower and change out of his work out gear before returning to his desk.
Does this seem hard to believe?
Generation Y children are born between 1978 and 1990. Prepare yourself for these and more incredulous moments if you are hiring a Generation Y worker. And brace yourself if you are a parent shouldering the blame for creating this generation of why-should-I-work-hard-for-you workers.
You may be asking yourself, “Since when has putting child-rearing as a top priority been a bad thing?” (Since Generation X grew up, I guess.)
And it isn’t just the endless activities, the effort to build confidence, or the willingness to adapt to umpteen scheduled activities that has caused the uproar. It’s all of that plus the intelligence and worldliness of Generation Y’s experience with global technology and the constant need for communication that has taught them to focus largely on short-term rewards and to look out for themselves above all others. After all, isn’t ”short-term” exactly how we treat the environment, the market, the entertainment that we consume on a daily basis?
Bruce Tulgan, author of Not Everyone Gets a Trophy believes globalization and technology has shaped Gen Y’ers into young adults who seek to maximize tangible benefits and their connections to people in power. After all, most of them are working in unstable institutions with uncertain futures. Knowing that industry is ever-changing and aware that today’s cutting edge is likely tomorrow’s old Facebook look, Gen Yers question authority, command an ever-present access to accurate research via technology and have mastered the short-term goal of focusing their brilliant ideas and earning their trophies.
In Tulgan’s words, “Generation Y is like Generation X on-fast-forward-with-self-esteem-on-steroids….[their parents] have guided, directed, supported, coached, and protected…and structured.” Not surprisingly, most Gen Y employees report that they love their parents, trust them, and will continue to seek advice from them even from the workplace cubicle via the ever present cell phone. (And they have been known to bring their parents in to work or have them call you to clarify your needs, without any of that debilitating embarrassment factor!) Yes, bosses report more and more that mom and dad are calling to inform employers of the gifts of Susie Q and sometimes chide them for expecting too many hours at the workplace.
According to experts, the best place for a Gen Y worker is at a company that can offer a flexible reward system that includes monetary incentives, time off, varying start times, and has a supervisory staff willing to teach the basic skills of good manners, critical thinking, and what the consequences are for one’s actions.
(Sigh. I thought that was what I have been doing? Or haven’t I?)
Annita Woz is a mother of three, writer and parent blogger for EP. To read Annita’s bio, click here.
Jan 3, 2010
Posted by admin on Jan 3, 2010 in Parenting | 0 comments
I began using the Total Transformation Program by James Lehman the minute it landed in my mailbox. I even opened it up in the car before driving home so that I could inspect the contents. I could not wait to begin! I perused and panned through everything. I scanned the upcoming lessons and wanted to jump through more than one lesson a night (despite the warning not to in the introduction).
My husband, upon seeing the program folder in my hand and the smile upon my face, grimaced and said “Oh, it’s here, huh?”
Not quite the same approach. That is fitting because we have butted heads since the day we met over parenting styles. We are a blended family and he is stepfather to my two boys who have special needs. My oldest boy, Thomas, in addition to having autism, ADHD, and bipolar disorder, also has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. We have successfully found treatment for all of his other problems except this one. He seems to have a compulsive need to argue and talk back. (And that’s the least of it, too!)
When Jerry, my husband, first joined our family, Thomas was used to getting his way because I had given up on arguing with him. If I tried to stand my ground, Thomas would rage, destroying whatever got into his hands first. I had already begun working with a therapist to try and determine the actual causes of these rages so that we could apply corrective action to them and get them to stop. I am happy to report that the work I did with that therapist helped a great deal in calming Thomas down. The only difficult behavior that remained was his lack of respect, his back talk and argumentativeness.
My husband Jerry had already raised two kids who were not special needs. They turned out “okay.” He, like many people, spanked his kids on the bottom, smacked their hands when they were toddlers and touched things they ought not touch, yelled at them to get them to comply, and so on. All of those techniques just seem to not work with Thomas and instead seem to make the behaviors worse. Oh sure, yelling works great in the short term, but then you just have to yell more loudly next time and somehow intensify the moment to get the same result the next time. And it didn’t actually solve the behavior, i.e. get him to listen to me the first time I told him to pick up his dirty laundry.
What was the answer, then? Jerry didn’t want to participate in this new program and I did because I could see (based upon basic common sense and my previous education in this field) that The Total Transformation Program had the potential to really save my son from himself. So, Jerry didn’t participate at first.
I have gone on using the lessons (yes, they are working!) and being the disciplinarian in the family. Jerry agreed that for two weeks, we’d do things “my” way (according to the TT program) and he would stand back and let me do it without any usurping from him. He’d support my efforts, but not be the actual disciplining parent. This would give him time to see that I could get more results out of Thomas using the TT program than he could with his yelling. Well, I’m happy to say that after going through this little experiment, this week Jerry is going to complete the lessons with me.
He’s busy right now playing catch-up and we’ll go on from there.
Be sure to check in with Heather as she blogs about her family’s experiences using the Total Transformation Program. And if you’re working through the program, please feel free to post any advice, comments or questions here!
Heather Sedlock is the mother of two special needs kids, a writer and a Parent Blogger for EP. To read more about Heather (and all our contributors), please click here.
Jan 3, 2010
Posted by admin on Jan 3, 2010 in Parenting | 0 comments
Believe it or not, parents are starting to use the wisdom of the Dog Whisperer as they raise their children.
At first, I have to admit I was a bit skeptical. I grew up with animals and I love them, but my feathers get ruffled when people compare their dog to my child, or infer that you should treat your child like a dog. You know, one of those conversations where you’re explaining how your kid is misbehaving and making you crazy, and then some well-intentioned soul pipes up with, “Oh, my dog does the same thing. I know how you feel.” (Really? Because the last time I looked, your dog didn’t have a frontal lobe or opposable thumbs.)
But then I read this article in the New York Times. Apparently, moms and dads out there are having some success using Cesar Millan’s advice when it comes to their kids. It mentioned how Brenna Hicks (a blogger and counselor from Florida) applies the “Always show your dog who’s master” philosophy to raising kids. She maintains that you should always act like the “alpha dog” of the pack. (I guess that means that our kids will “smell the fear” on us?) But I do get that — being calm, assertive and confident with your kids goes a long way in getting them to respect you and the rules.
According to the NYT article and other interviews I’ve read with him, Cesar Millan says that parents ask him questions all the time about their kids. His philosophy? “In America, kids have too many options when they only need one: Just do it.” He also says that in Mexico (his country of origin) “the elder is always the pack leader.”
He’s got a point!
Now if I could just get my barking to sound authoritative enough. Woof.
P.S. Be sure to check out James Lehman’s upcoming article in EP about kids who want to be the “alpha dog” in the family.
